horrendous thoughts

I caught myself having a horrendous thought today and it’s haunting me. I don’t know whether I’m becoming a horrible person or being too hard on myself.
The past few days have been so enjoyable but I find that I’m so much more volatile recently. If anything, I just want to be nice because I’m surprised by how much I’ve changed and how self centered I’ve become. People surrounding me, our culture seems to be focusing on ourselves. People (read: me) are becoming so obsessed with the self, bringing justice to myself, achieving happiness for myself, advancing, progressing. I don’t think I realized until now how self absorbed and narcissistic I’ve become and in all honesty it’s a travesty. If anything, I want to be known and remembered as kind and caring rather than confident and focused and hardworking. Not that the former and latter groups are mutually exclusive, rather a declaration of priorities, a compromise I would be willing to make, a conclusion reached from a reevaluation of life thus far.

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