I think my life is starting to come together. Kind of. I’ve realized that I like being really busy. Having a full schedule motivates me to work harder and more efficiently. I kind of screwed up first semester in that I accomplished close to nothing. My gpa sucks and I didn’t build lasting relationships and now I’m constantly reminded of how shittily I conducted life.
Maybe this is me too desperately trying to make up for it, but every day my schedule is blocked out. I’m taking 6 classes and I try to go as many office hours as possible. I started working in a lab and I’m planning a pretty large event for the Society of Women Engineers.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but in the past two weeks I’ve realized that I’m so much happier this way. I’m probably going to drop a class and I’m meeting with my adviser tomorrow to discuss this. I just feel so much more relieved now that I have plans for the summer and hopefully I will be getting paid so that I can sustain the expensive NYC lifestyle during the school year. Also, I really like this lab from the few days I have been here. It’s a small lab, only seven people–all postdocs except 1 grad student. Everyone is so nice and easy to talk to even though I’m the youngest one here. I haven’t started doing science, but I like sitting here and doing my homework and not being around people my age.
Which brings me to: the only thing that keeps bothering me is my lack of close friends here. It just sucks not have your best friends around all the time. I wish I could say that the friends I have made are really close and reliable and supportive and all the rest, but they really aren’t. Day by day I have rude awakenings. On Saturday, a girl I just met told me that my friends are all basic and fake. I mean, I’m over calling people fake because I think everyone can be really fake, including myself. I think friends will come in time and I just have to be patient. When it comes to relationships, trying too hard is never a good solution, right?