Let me tell you what’s up

Spring is pretty awesome. Your bared arms and legs can feel natural warmth from the sun’s damaging rays that will lead to skin cancer and further health complications. Your face is stuck in a permanent smile because your eyes have to squint to avoid the deluge of bright light from the sun. I woke up and decided to wear black high-waisted skinny jeans because I was embracing the tall and lean goth grunge look. And I actually took the time to get this pastel blue blouse from the walk in closet in the basement because I wanted to look cute for a photo op in the school lobby today. Plus the pastel blue is so soft and gentle like a newborn baby, like spring. I’m going to be on the school website (check me out) for getting the national merit scholarship. I’m actually so confounded by the fact that I’m being rewarded for scoring well on the PSATs which are so 2011.

School was pretty uneventful. Just kidding it was eventful because I was decimated on my physics exam. It’s utterly humiliating how incompetent I am. I’m traumatized and I can honestly say that I wish I could redo this course. I don’t know why and how I evidently learned nothing for the past 4 months, but I wish so much that I could go back and change something that would allow me to understand physics. It was probably one of the most excruciating one hours of my entire life, when we had the tests on our desks and my teacher worked out all the answers on the board. My fingernails were digging into my arm to distract me from the pain of having failed the physics test. I’ve never physically harmed myself ever on purpose, but it looked like I did because my arms were so red and scratched for the rest of the day. Or maybe it more closely resembled hives and rashes.

I say one of the most excruciating because I think the most pain I have experienced was probably getting my teeth drilled without numbing drugs. My dentist lied to me and said that there are no nerves at the surface of your teeth so I wouldn’t feel anything. And I had to withstand the pain of my teeth being jackhammered for half an hour. I would like to say it made me a stronger person, but in reality, it just made me more distrusting and frightened of dentists.

I had last period free so my friends and I went to Ralph’s Italian Ices and I got raspberry and chocolate because I’m such a connoisseur when it comes to iced dessert flavors. When I walked in, I was pleasantly surprised to find so many people from school there. My friend recently got a job there so all her friends and their mothers were there buying Italian ices.

The sky was clear and the sun was shining down on us as we sat on the bench eating Italian ices. It was really picturesque I can imagine, and I wished that I had a professional photographer who followed me around and took flattering photos of me in picturesque scenarios. Sitting there with  my closest friends and some fun-loving school people, I couldn’t help but reminisce about high school. We only have a few weeks left and it’s so amazing to see how far we’ve come. I’ve made so many connections with people and had valuable experiences. I laughed to myself as I said hi to all the Korean fob kids, the people that I tried to associate with during freshman and sophomore year. I wanted serious validation from these badass hooligans. What can I say? I was pretty naive and insecure which makes for a lot of humiliating and awkward situations including the time when I accidentally texted this big shot cool kid from my school who probably thought I was a creepy obsessive stalker. And can I just say that his ego did not need any boosts. But I’m going to college now, and who knows what happened to him. That’s one thing that I’ve realized—you eventually stop being humiliated by the thought of previous humiliating events after a few years or so and as long as you keep progressing in life, things move past you. I actually just tacked on that part about progressing in life because I thought it made the whole statement a little more profound. I imagine that I would forget about humiliating moments even if I weren’t progressing.

I created so many boundaries for myself back then. Everything was so dramatic like ohmygosh he didn’t say hi to me in the hallway. The nerve. But I think most of those boundaries have disappeared. I’m usually the one to say hi to people first and I have an 8/13 hi back success rate. The fobs still call me a nerd and mock me for my Americanized valley girl nature, but now it’s funny because the insults are so innocuous. You’re so fucking ugly. I know you are but what am I?!?!?!?!!!

Then at night, my father went into one of his wise (yet really unwise) lectures about college and the future and success. Naturally I got pissed off at his notion that you can simplify life and school and college into such a one dimensional analysis and I started crying because he offended me as usual. And then a college representative called me and I was really snappy because I need an attitude adjustment. I needed fresh air and a healthy, productive way to vent, so I decided to exercise. I’m honestly so thankful to have friends who will come out with me when I really need them. I went on a walk with my friend and we ended up walking around town and talking for over an hour. When we were a mile away from our houses, it started pouring and I was inappropriately dressed in moccasins and a hoodie and leggings. I got drenched, but rain cleanses the soul and creates new beginnings and washes away the tears, so I was happy in the end.



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