I was chastised not too long ago by some nosy, politically correct busybody for “objectifying and degrading women” by nicknaming the girl with the tuckus that causes a ruckus in my head…kus “ass magnet” and the girl I’m like actually in love with “mathtress” (my math mistress because she’s my math TA in one of my classes and she has like this weirdest accent because I have no idea where the hell she got it and she’s like a genius and like the single most moderately attractive girl I’ve ever met).

At first I was like, preggo please, I don’t listen to baby-obsessed lo$er$ (sorry, a Ke$ha song just came on). But then I started to reflect upon myself because I’m like a mirror facing another mirror—“you know what? this loser might be right…I’m not sure if ass magnet and mathstress appreciate my nicknames.”

So I went on a journey to find a better describe my love interests.

Here’s what I came up with:

“Her kindness and her mind shines brighter than her perfectly crafted hindquarters.”

“Wow, that ass, gurl. But do you know what’s even better than that ass? Her personality.”

“Empathy is the only curvature I need in my life.”

“Staring at her ass is like staring into her soul…err, I heard she’s nice, too or somethin…damn.”

*pats self on back*

So I am the nosy, politically correct busybody aka preggo (disclaimer: I was never and am not pregnant…) aka baby-obsessed lo$er and I would like to say that I’m glad I was able to change the perspective of this ignorant, misogynistic h8r.

*pats self on back*


3 thoughts on “humor

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