Ugh why? Why am I here? Please please please I hope I don’t have cavities.

“Please write your name and date of birth on the sign in sheet.”

What is my name? Why are they asking me to do so much? I am the patient. I’m here so that people can do stuff for me.

“Minah Dr. Hsjskd is ready for you.”

Okay. I guess I have to go sit. Why do they put these plastic covers on the seats? They probably don’t even change these things. It’s just to make patients feel hygienic. They are all conspiring against us. Why do they have a tv in here? I’m probably going to start enjoying the show and then he’s going to make me recline so I can’t even watch the rest of the show. Is the dentist going to be watching tv then? He should NOT be paying attention to anything or anyone besides me.

“Hi, are you feeling any pain?”
“No.”
“We will take X-rays and clean your teeth.”

Ooh now they have new technology an they just use this small handheld device to take X-rays. Why am I wearing a lead vest when the nurse who is using the X-ray gun thing is not wearing one? Is her skin impenetrable? Should I ask? Is this safe? Am I going to get cancer? Why does this lead vest have a smiley face on it? Is that supposed to be some kind of psychological ploy to make me feel safe and comforted while X-rays are mutating all my cells?

“Please step into this room for another X-ray.”

Why am I standing? Why are the lights dim in here?

“When that light turns on, don’t move for 20 seconds while the X-ray is being taken.”

Why did the nurse step out of the room and close the door before taking the X-ray? Why am I not wearing that lead vest with the smiley face on it this time?

“Okay you can return to your chair.”

…the electric chair. Can I see my X-ray? Why is everything so secretive? Why is the vacuum for your spit pink?

“Open.”
“Ahhhh”

I hope I have no cavities. Omg.

“Relax. We’re just cleaning your teeth. This might feel a little cold.”

I am relaxed. I’m not scared. Why are my hands clenched? I’M NOT SCARED. I JUST DON’T WANT CAVITIES. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL PAIN. Okay breathe.

I’ve always wanted a dentist’s chair in my room. I like this reclining feature.

Why is the ceiling painted like the sky on a beautiful summer day? Why is there a palm tree? Has there been some psychological study that shows patients are calmer and more likely to acquiesce when they are looking at a sky? Is this supposed to feel natural and outdoorsy? Is this supposed to feel like I’m lying on the beach on a beautiful day? Because I’m not seeing the parallel. To be quite frank, the brightness of the sky is giving me a headache. How awkward would it be if I kept on staring into the dentist’s eyes the whole time he was cleaning my teeth?
Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on him. It must be difficult to have a job where “hated by everyone every day” is in the job description. And he probably has to deal with a lot of gross unhygienic people. Mouths can be really gross I’m sure.
lol Who am I kidding? He probably has an awesome life.

Yay that wasn’t too bad. Why is she bringing a box with blinking red lights? She looks like an executioner. Why is she so pale? Why is the dentist putting something that looks like a laser pen in my mouth? Why is it making beeping sounds? DOES THAT MEAN I HAW A CAVITY? Can he tell me what he is doing? Don’t you learn at dentist school that you should inform your patients of what you are doing?

“Rinse. Thank you. You have no cavities. See you in 6 months.”

Thank goodness. Wow my teeth feel so clean. That was kind of nice.

“When would you like your next appointment to be? How does April 17 sound?”
“That sounds great. Thanks. Have a nice day.”

I never want to come back.

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