Disclaimer: These are generalizations (exceptions exist), so don’t get offended friends, lovers, and nothings. I shouldn’t even care about public opinion but some of you all like to criticize my blog and/or use it against me. Don’t break the number one rule of life. (<– that is a link so click it). Also, sorry about my intellectually and emotionally anorexic posts recently. I know they are pretty superficial and lack insight. Valenti would disapprove.
1. Facebook wall: Either we are so close that we don’t care about what other people think about our relationship or we aren’t close at all. Most likely we like each other, but we never had the opportunity to become close, or we used to be close and we naturally drifted apart. We like to keep tabs on each other though and we’re never afraid to drop by and say hi or reminisce on a funny experience we shared.
2. Facebook inbox (oooh): You need help with homework. We aren’t that close but you found an article or video that you thought I would like. We are close, but embarrassed of our relationship.
3. Gchat (AIM): The good old friends. We used to be really close. We learned how to type really fast by IMing each other all the time. We used to chat every day as soon as we got home from school, non-stop to the point where our parents yelled at us. We took hours to complete one worksheet because we couldn’t stop talking. Or you are Eliner or Lanza or Emz.
4. Gchat (Gmail contact): We have never used slang in front of each other. Or you are my sister.
5.Text message: We are best friends. We don’t talk over text unless we need something though. You ask me what the math homework is. If you and I actually have conversations over text we are probably quasi friends and we have engaging conversations, but we can’t commit to instant messaging which would be way too demanding. Or you are my flute teacher who wants to confirm our lesson time.
6. iMessage: We are best friends and you have an iPhone or iPod. We use emojis incessantly.
7. Skype: You are most likely people with whom I used to have conversations over text message. Zomg our relationship made it to the next step. We talk a lot, but we aren’t that close. Skype is purgatory. There are two places our relationship can go from here. We will burn out and fade out, or we’ll become, uh, like, BFF status and we’ll move our conversations to a more calm and comfortable environment.
8. Phone: We aren’t close, but you are over the age of 35. Or we are really close and you need to rant and scream in my ear. Or we are really close and you want to hang out and can’t find me.
9. Voicemail: You are a telemarketer. Or you are my mother.