Shall I explain my blog name?
I can’t yell. I can’t scream. I can’t even talk loudly. No I am not being metaphorical. I am not trying to explain a traumatic childhood experience that left me muted. I physically cannot raise my voice.
Has this always been apparent to me?
No. I have lived most of my life thinking I was loud and commanding. I only found out a few years ago when I was having a bake sale with my friends. To get the attention of passer-byers we screamed “Bake Sale!” “Buy fresh baked goods to support March for Babies!” And my friends started laughing at me because I was screaming so quietly.
How much has this made an impact on my life?
Little to none because I only discovered this a few years ago. Actually, I had always been confused as to why other people could cut me off in group conversations, but I needed to step in the middle of the circle and start gesticulating wildly before I got everyone’s attention. Another hard-to-understand situation is when I try getting the attention of someone walking a few yards ahead of me. They never can hear me so I have to run up to the person, but most times I just call or text. It’s not worth going through the effort of getting the attention of someone just to say hi. Other difficulties include commanding attention of a group, speaking in large groups and performances that involve talking. My friends like to tell others that I can’t scream and then I have to demonstrate for them a few times before they realize that I’m not faking it.
Am I sure I am not faking it?
Yes. I assure you that I am not faking it. I actually cannot scream loudly. You could ask me to scream indoors, for example, in the school hallway, and I would scream for you because I know that it would not cause a disturbance.
What’s that got to do with tendecibels?
Decibels are a measure of sound volume and I’m pretty sure ten decibels is around the volume of the rustling leaves. Since people have a hard time hearing me apparently, this is where I talk. I also was partially inspired by the computer lab at Brown U where they divide the areas by the volume level to which you are allowed to talk.