My name is Wilhelmina…

…and I’m addicted to chapstick.

This is a major problem. It’s not really an addiction, it’s a physical necessity. I can’t survive without it. Oh my gosh… It’s an addiction…

Who knew an addiction could feel so harmless?

Everyone who knows me knows that I apply chapstick at least every 20 minutes and when I don’t have any I ask all my friends for chapstick. I don’t lick my lips or bite them, well I do occasionally, but I actively try to stop myself. and I play flute so that doesn’t help I dont think. What am I supposed to do? I can’t just let my lips dry and crack and bleed and fall off. How to I teach my body how to function normally again?

I’m just going to tell myself that I am being dramatic, because I don’t think you can be addicted to chapstick. Anyway, I’m not mentally or emotionally addicted which I consider more dangerous than physical addictions although how could I even say that because physical addictions and mental addictions usually go hand in hand. I don’t know what to do. The cells in my lips and around my lips are incapable of moisturing themselves regardless of the season. Even in the summer when I’m sweating bullets, my lips are dry or tender. Not only is it unattractive, it can extremely painful at times, which is why I compensate by applying chapstick (By chapstick I mean any lip balm. It’s like Kleenex except not because Kleenex has a freaking monopoly on tissues in every single country…like texas instruments. Don’t take this the wrong way texas intruments! I love your products!). I’ve tried at least thirty different lip balms in the past three years–organic, natural, unnatural, medicated, generic, brandname, peach-mango, rosewater, cocoa butter, shea butter, jojoba oil, beeswax, honey and in twisty sticks or tin cans or plastic pots– and none of them have worked.

 

I think it’s time to visit a psychologist

…or a dermatologist.

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